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phase one: okay, that's just weird

a few years ago, i began to suffer silent annoyance from the way people inconsistently threw around the term "weird." not only would they apply it to my person frequently at times when i felt i was being most logical,


EXAMPLE me:"i feel so frustrated here (in high school)! we are wasting our lives! if my life is going to be this pointless, it may as well be fun."
seeking counsel of random friend, "do you think i am a good candidate for the traveling circus?"

random friend: "uhh... (insert my name), you're so weird."

what the hell?? okay so maybe, at first glance, wanting to join the circus may seem somewhat abnormal to some people. but lets think about this. there are LOTS o people involved in a circus. ALSO there are lots o circuses (especially if you count all the little ones that star the family gonzales as the great flying van zandos) therefore, i CANNOT be the only person who has ever considered joining one. and anyway, that is totally beside the point. i was reaching out here. i was sharing. i was seeking support. and what did i get? labeled. (oh, the horror! why, why, o why me, of all the teenagers in the world...) i am convinced that i cannot have been the only high schooler to realize that high school (for the most part) is a vast and mindless waste of time, a black hole, if you will, sucking up all things rational and/or productive. how then can my expression of this realization possibly be rooted in my own intrinsic weirdness?


they frequently applied it to themselves at times when they were being most normal.


EXAMPLE random friend: "i didn't finish my physics homework last night, because i was putting sun-in in my hair. (insert random name belonging to the gender opposite of random friend's) likes it this way. giggle giggle. i am so weird."

me (internally): doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo


okay, so what the mess is up with that? are my random friends for real? unfortunately, it would appear so. does this mean that the word “weird” has lost all meaning and validity in this, our crazy, mixed-up world??? well, I DON’T THINK SO. as long as there is just one person left in the world who can differentiate between all that disgusting normality and true, sublime weirdness, then i say there’s still hope. so, my fellow weirdos, rise with me, i say, in a celebration of the truly bizarre, and we will change this silly world for the better!!! ARE YOU WITH ME???



phase two: you are on a mission


you are with me? oh, okay great. then listen closely. your first mission is to give some weirdness back into the world. this plan (plan a) is based on the theory that much of the world’s good weirdness has become trapped within certain individuals. this is only partly due to the seflishness of these weirdness hogs; it is also largely due to fear. that’s right, fear. if you are one of these so called hogs, you know what i am talking about. it is a sad fact that many hard core weirdos live in constant fear of rejection because of their weirdness. this is a difficulty which must be overcome if there is to be any hope for the salvation of our planet! and so, fellow weirdos, i urge you to resist your inhibitions. even, if you are not a weirdness hog, give what weirdness you do have freely! let it flow and multiply in the hearts of those who never even knew how weirdness starved they were!

your mission is to perform at least one weirdness a day for at least a week. i realize that some of you may fear to give so much of your weirdness away at once. if this is true for you, then i suggest you start small. let’s say, for example, that your weirdness inclines you to think fondly of your thumb as Sir Petre, your secretary and erstwhile dare-devil space captain. rather than insist that your co-workers address all messages to Sir Petre, who will then relay them to you, you can simply give him a byline on all of your correspondence. however, i think that you will find that one of the great joys of a healthy and well-developed sense of weirdness is that, while it may hide for extended periods of time, it always comes back eventually, often stronger than ever. you can never really give it all away, only share it. i think that once you have made it through that first week, you will remain comitted to spreading the weirdness for long afterwards.

also, plan a, part b involves contributing some weirdness to this page. sign Princess Lola 220’s guestbook, to let her know about your commitment as a weirdness warrior. give her some weird ideas or suggestions through the guestbook or e-mail. encourage your fellow weirdness warriors in their battle to preserve some weirdness in this insanely sane and stereotypical world.



phase three: what is weirdness, anyway
(in case you were wondering)


why does my boss at work dress in five different shades of only one color? why did my sophomore english teacher wear shoes to match her lipstick? why did she call us her little ducklings? and why did that boy with the leg casts at the winter guard competition still try to perfom by rolling around the floor of the stage in imitation of the dance moves of the performers with full sets of limbs? these are questions which refer ro actions which, perhaps, are slightly unusual on the scale of "normal" human behavior. i usually refer to such actions as "bizarre." and these are the actions which will eternally endear to me the people who perform them. in general, i have found, the more bizarre the action, the more endearing the person becomes to me. (for the boy in the leg casts, it was love at first sight. i will eternally regret not speaking to him afterwards.) i was dumbfounded, however, to discover that there are people to whom these action are not endearing. this in itself seems to me to be bizarre, and so some of my very best friends are those who do not appreciate little weirdnesses. they are adorable to me because they are ridiculously responsible and incapable of much silliness. (don't ask me why, but those two traits tend to go together.) which makes them silly. and thus endearing to me.

anywho, the point here (what? there's a point?) is that everybody's weird. i swear. if you are thinking to yourself, "i'm not weird," then that's weird. so you're weird. weirdness is all relative. (okay, so what's not relative?) if you're not weird to anybody else, then you're weird to me, okay? okay. i don't want anyone to feel left out here.



phase four: degrees of weirdness


haha just kidding. i am not going to expound upon the degrees of weirdness. bet i scared you though. i do, however, desire to express my frustration with people who do sterotypical and vastly normal things and call them weird. i would much prefer the word to refer to people in the vast minority, who, for example, wear a star trek costume to jury duty or try to turn all of their conversations into musicals. by these standards, i am not very weird, which i never really thought i was. also, TAKING NOTES IN FOUR DIFFERENT COLORS OF INK IS NOT WEIRD. WEARING YOUR FATHER'S BELL BOTTOMS FROM THE SEVENTIES IS NOT WEIRD. okay thanks, i just needed to get that off my chest.